I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
