You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
