i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
