the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
