she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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