bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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