Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
