So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
