What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
