I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
