you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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