I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
