Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
