Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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