Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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