4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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