She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
