He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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