Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
