I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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