he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
