remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
