It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
