Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
