I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
