meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
