Sponge bath it is.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
