and you said cock pushups were impossible
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
