Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
