i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
These tits shall not be calmed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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