Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
