Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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