Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
