i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
