We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
