Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
