so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
