Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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