so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
