We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
