Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
