Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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