I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
