If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
