I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
