I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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