I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
