Welp...herpes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
