I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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