Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had sex on a roof
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
