Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
